8.01.2006

Faster Than A Speeding Douche Bag

I'm nominating Superman for the Super Hero Douchie. Has no one ever heard of beating a dead dog into the ground? Hello? This is one franchise that should have been left in the past. What was the point of Superman Returns? The same and only point they have ever made. A complete and total douche bag, wearing blue tights no less, has only one weakness: A bald guy who always manages to find a chunk of kryptonite. WTF? I was there for the first FOUR movies and I don't need the same old story to be replayed with a 300 billion dollar FX budget. Bring back Richard Pryor, forget the half-pennies, and just give him the money instead of making this piece of shit film. "I love Lois but I have to be a homo if I want to lover her." Right, I remember now! If superboy wants to love a woman he has to become a total homo who can't even fight off a hillbilly trucker in a greasy diner in bum fuck egypt. A lot of good that will do him trying to sustain Lois' orgasms. What kind of super hero is that? Teaching boys that loving women makes them loose their strength and makes them terrorist loving freedom haters! Douche..... Bag...

6.28.2006

More Than Meets The Douche Bag


Craptacular summer blockbuster movie director/ producer and king of all unnecessary remakes Michael Bay is my pick for today's Douchie recipient. His works to date include such mind numbing and spontaneous rectal bleeding films like:

*Bad Boys I and II (yes, they made a sequel)
*The Rock
*Armageddon
*Pearl Harbor
*The Island

and

Wait a minute, what's this.....Michael Bay is directing a...ohh please God, don't say it.....ugh, a Transformers live action movie. Say it with me, WTF! The same guy who directed a movie where the premise is Ben Affleck battling a meteorite in space....and LIVES is making a movie about the Transformers. Oh man.....Michael Bay, you are indeed one HELL OF A DOUCHE BAG in my book!

6.27.2006

Am I Douche Bag


Lets hear it for Glen Danzig folks. A most supreme douche bag indeed. Now we all know Danzig is a total douche bag but when trying to think of only one reason why, the answer was because he is Glen Danzig. Period. And I find that to be quite poetic. It may also be that the reasons are innumerable or maybe it's just because as one person put it, "my mom could beat him up". Or maybe because he thinks he's such a bad ass, with his big flabby arms, bear rug chest and long black evil poser hair but still sings like a drag queen on steroids. I really couldn't say. But it is sufficient that just being Danzig makes Glen Danzig a complete and total douche bag.

Drop The Zero, And Get With The Douche Bag!


Okay, I have to admit I couldn't pass this one up. The staff here at the Douche Bag Awards were talking about the news of a new CGI based Ninja Turtles movie that is suppose to be coming out soon (Don't Ask) and the topic of a certain "RAPPER" came up since he did make an unforgettable appearance in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze. So, though I am bunting on this obvious Douche Bag inductee....I present to you, the one, the only (Thank God!) VANILLA ICE.


Go Douche Bag, Go Douche Bag, Go!

America's Most Douched



For obvious reasons Kevin Federline takes the Douchie lying down. America's Most Hated is America's Most Worthless celebrity. What does he do again? Ummmm, oh yeah, Brittney. Can anyone say coat tails? K-Fed should be scraped off and used as fertilizer. About the only worth while activity he could accomplish. Besides being a douche bag of course!

Man, I feel good about the pennies.

Welcome To The Douche Bag

Another entry for today's Douchie is none other than fallen 80's rock bohemith Axl Rose. According to Associated Press - Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose was arrested in Stockholm early Tuesday after allegedly biting a security guard in the leg outside his hotel. Rose, who performed in the Swedish capital on Monday evening, was being held on suspicion of attacking and threatening the guard, as well as causing damage to the Berns Hotel where the alleged scuffle took place. I don't know what is more horrifying:



* The fact he "allegedly" bit someone
* The Cornrows hair he's been sporting
or
* The fact that the reincarnated version of Guns N' Roses is playing live again.

Congratulations Axl, you are truly a LA Rock Douche Bag!

The Erectile Disfunction Douche Bag


Today's induction into the Douche Bag Awards is none other than a personal favorite, Rush Limbaugh. He was recently detained at the West Palm Beach Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription. Haha, the man can spend all day telling Neo Conservatives how horrible and unamerican Liberals are, but yet the son of a bitch can't even get it up and has to get his kicks without anyone knowing about it. Maybe you wouldn't need Viagra to get it up if you weren't too busy popping those pain killers.

6.26.2006

And the first Douchie goes to...

LIBERACE!!!


There is no real reason other than the fact he is wearing such a lovely patriotic outfit. For this, from this day forward Liberache will be known as an ALL AMERICAN DOUCHE BAG! Congratulations Liberace!